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Disease has struck another cruise ship and passengers are understandably upset:

When one passenger reached for a croissant one morning, his wife said, a crew member slapped his hand with a pair of tongs. He was told that the passengers could not touch the food.

"It was like being in a prison," said another passenger, Barbara Evans, as she left the ship yesterday at Pier 92 near West 52nd Street in Manhattan. "They were treating us like pariahs on that ship."

Indeed, a perusal of the official Rikers Island Prisoner's Handbook reveals some striking similarities, excerpted below:

II.A.3 Prisoners shall not touch the breakfast croissants with their hands. Violation of this rule will result in a temporary suspension of pancake, French freedom toast and waffle privileges, with the length of the suspension to be determined by the warden.

III.E.7 Prisoners shall not "hog" the shuffleboard, even if they have "called it."

VI.C.12 Martinis and other light drinks are limited to two (2) per prisoner per evening.

IX.F.5 Prisoners in solitary confinement shall have no massage visitations, but shall be recompensed upon their release therefrom. If the prisoner has missed more than three (3) daily massages, he shall be entitled to an extended massage with scented oils.

XII.B.8 Never, under any circumstances, shall prisoners urinate in the pool.
XII.B.9 And no splashing either.

"Nemo!"

No, it's not Nemo.

"Look! Nemo!"

It's not Nemo. It's just a fish.

"Hi, Nemo!"

Look, it's not Nemo, OK?! Nemo's dead.

And in the newly-renovated Hall of Ocean Life, I learned that the Anglerfish takes Genesis 2:24 a little too seriously:

Only the female Deep Sea Angler can hunt and get food. A male Deep Sea Angler only grows to two-and-a-half inches long and has no way to attract food. When a male is mature, it will swim to a female and grip her with his teeth. The male will begin to degenerate. His eyes will grow smaller and he will eventually lose them. He becomes fused with her through her bloodstream, and will never leave her. She feeds him, and he releases sperm to her to spawn. He literally cannot live without her.

Pretty soon he's not much more than a sperm sack latched on to the side of the female. How romantic!
- posted by Reuven @ 2:15 PM       

Study: U.S. workers most productive overall

The U.S. worker is the most productive in the world, boosted by the use of new information and communication technologies, according to a study released Monday by the U.N. labor agency.

However, American employees also work longer hours, and three European countries -- Norway, France and Belgium -- beat the Americans in productivity per hour, the International Labor Organization said in its new issue of Key Indicators of the Labor Market.

Well I say we take this news as a reason to kick back, celebrate and give ourselves a well deserved break. In fact, since we're so far ahead of everyone else, maybe we should lighten up a little - slack off just a bit. I mean, we wouldn't want those Europeans to feel embarrassed and inferior, would we?
- posted by Reuven @ 1:49 PM       

"An orthodox rabbi in Brooklyn was charged yesterday with stealing about $700,000 in federal grant money that was supposed to go toward building a school for disabled children." Horrible thing, if it did indeed happen, and worthy of discussion in its own right. But right now I'm more interested in the headline the New York Post placed above the story: "Thou Shalt Not Steal."

I'm not an avid reader of the New York Post (I happened to see someone reading it on the subway), but I'd bet they don't use that headline for every article about theft. Granted, there's a certain hypocrisy when a member of the clergy does something like this. But I suspect (though I could be wrong) that they wouldn't even use that headline if a priest or minister were accused of the very same crime. Current events in Alabama notwithstanding, I wonder if there's a perception by Christians that the Ten Commandments are "owned" by or relevant to the Jews in particular.

It brought to mind the time a Catholic co-worker asked me to explain the meaning of the holiday of Shavu'ot. After checking that he had a basic familiarity with Bible, I explained (in an admittedly simplified answer) that Shavu'ot is the anniversary of the day Moses received the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. He thought for a moment and responded, "Oh. So how come we don't do that? We believe in that too! At least I think we do."

What do most Christians do with the Ten Commandments? If they consider the other laws of the Old Testament to be no longer binding, are these any different? (I'm not suggesting good Christians think it's OK to steal; I know they don't. I'm simply wondering whether that's on the authority of the Ten Commandments or not, and why.)

Comments are invited.
- posted by Reuven @ 9:19 PM       

A German study published Wednesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggests that eating dark chocolate can lower blood pressure. Other experiments show cocoa flavonoids may reduce harmful blood clotting properties and decrease low-density-lipoprotein (LDL), known as the "bad cholesterol."

Lead author Mauro Serafini said the subjects' antioxidant potential did not rise noticeably when they consumed a glass of whole milk with the dark chocolate, or when they ate milk chocolate. He said it's possible that antioxidants bind with milk proteins making absorption more difficult.

I suppose that means it's better to drink chocolate syrup straight up.

And now, through the wonders of selective quotation, I can disregard all the skepticism expressed in the rest of the article and conclude with this partial authoritative quote:

"I guess this means to be healthy you should eat chocolate with red wine," said Andrew L. Waterhouse, a nutrition professor at the University of California at Davis.

May was a champion skier when he was blind (a guide skied in front of him and shouted directions), but he had to close his eyes the first time he skied as a sighted person because the experience was so terrifying.

Dear Evite Newsletter Subscriber,

Yesterday we mailed a newsletter to our subscribers with incorrect dates for three important holidays. Please accept our sincerest apologies for these errors and note the following corrections:

    Labor Day, September 1st
    Rosh Hashana, September 27th
    Yom Kippur, October 6th

In addition, we also wish to apologize for having listed Yom Kippur as one of our "Reasons To Party." We understand and respect that Yom Kippur is a Day of Atonement, a day to be taken seriously to reflect and fast, and as such, one of the most important Jewish holidays in the year.

Again we deeply apologize for the error and thank you for allowing us to make this correction.

Very Best,
The Evite Team

Today
A shower cannot be ruled out in the morning; times of clouds and sun

Tuesday
Umm, sunny, maybe. No, wait, cloudy. OK, mostly sunny... with a slight chance of hail?

Wednesday
Hey, your guess is as good as mine.

Thursday
What do I look like, a prophet?! How am I supposed to know?

Friday
C'mon, gimme a break. Just look out a window or something.

Scans Show Why We Always Have Room for Chocolate

"You sit down to your eight-course meal for your birthday and you have gone though all the appetizers and entrees and just as you feel you can't fit one more thing in your tummy, then they bring the dessert menu or the dessert cart rolls by and suddenly you discover you have room for the chocolate fondant," [Dr. Jay Gottfried of the Wellcome Department of Imaging Neuroscience at University College London] said in a telephone interview.

"This is specific satiation -- you are full of one thing but not another."

This only confirms what my younger sister used to insist (back when she was still my "little sister") when she had been too full to finish her vegetables but was eager to have some cookies: "There's still some room in my dessert stomach!"

None of this, however, is anything new:

Abaye said, "...Room for sweets can always be found."
        -Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Megilah, 7b